The 10 best ways to gain weight during the holiday season

Written by on November 20, 2017 in Leisure - Comments Off on The 10 best ways to gain weight during the holiday season

Anyone can be skinny as a rake. The thing is that we are supposed to gain some weight during the holiday season. When we get bigger, we will not be cold in winter. And we will stand on our feet in a more stable manner, instead of floating around like Neil Armstrong during his Moon walk. Hungry? Eat something. It’s the holidays, for Christ’s sake.

These are the 10 best ways to gain weight during the holiday season:

1. Grab some German Christmas Stollen at your local supermarket. Cut it into thick slices. Make sure to apply a thick layer of Butter on top of each slice.

Don’t forget the butter.

2. Do it like Mary Poppins. Make some Christmas cookies and eat them while they are still warm. Who says cookies have calories? The one Gluten-free vegan guru you know? Forget about it and eat.

You don’t want to make them yourself? Just buy some Danish butter cookies.

3. Make a pizza and make sure to add an additional layer of cheese. Is there any law saying there shouldn’t be plenty of cheese on your pizza? Of course not.

Make sure there are truckloads of melted cheese on your pizza.

4. Make a hamburger, with all the trimmings you like. Your spouse says you should eat more vegetables? Well, add some avocado slices to your hamburger. Mission accomplished.

Hamburgers make great breakfasts too.

5. So you are hungry at 2am and feel like having a snack? How about some fried bird? You shouldn’t go to bed hungry. Not during the holiday season.

This bird will definitely not feel cold anymore.

6. Anything made with Nutella is delicious. Eat some Nutella sandwiches and Nutella pancakes. Or use it as a dip for cookies. Is anyone trying to stop you? Tell them to choke down their salad leafs and carrots without you.

Nutella has a huge advantage: It tastes good.

7. So you followed points 1 to 6 and ran out of energy? Consume a nice steak.

A proper steak will give you the energy you need for eating more.

8. Your family wants to make you take a “nice holiday walk” to the city centre? Laughable. If people were supposed to walk back and forth like crazy, they wouldn’t have invented the taxi.

Taxis take people from A to B all the time.

9. You are feeling this tiny bit of hunger between the cheese pizza and that giant hamburger? Have a chocolate Santa Claus. First, bite off its head. Then swallow the torso.

Chocolate makes people happy. This includes chocolate Santas.

10. Sure, food can look pretty damn good, including cakes with Mentos on top. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be consumed immediately.

Don’t look at food for too long, before you eat it.

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About the Author

Imanuel Marcus is Associate Editor of The Sofia Globe. He is German and lives in Sofia. Contact: imanuelmarcus (at) gmail.com