Sofia Marathon: 10 instructions for participants who forgot to get into shape

Written by on October 12, 2017 in Leisure - Comments Off on Sofia Marathon: 10 instructions for participants who forgot to get into shape

So, you are registered for the Wizz Air Sofia Marathon this Sunday, but you forgot to get into shape? And you have only three days left? No problem. Just follow these 10 easy steps. 

1. Fill your elegant Samsonite suitcase with stones. Then go to Mladost 3, find the highest apartment block and carry that suitcase all the way up the stairs 15 times.

2. Lie down on the floor, on your back. Ask your spouse to sit on your legs, and your mother-in-law to sit on your chest. Now do 30 sit-ups.

3. Take a strong rope, sit in your car and drive to the countryside. Find a muddy field and make sure the car gets stuck right in the middle of it. Then use the rope to pull the Maserati out of that mess, with your own hands only. Repeat the exercise until sundown.

4. Walk up to some guy with unbelievable muscles, who drives an AMG Mercedes and wears sunglasses, while he is waiting at a red traffic light. Spit on his windshield. Then run away fast. Super fast. Run until the guy gives up on following you. Then look for the next guy.

5. Walk all the way to Ikea. Purchase this shelf. It comes in three rather large boxes. Now carry them home. Then walk back and buy another one.

6. Enter any Sofia bus. Once seated, place your new iPhone on the seat next to you and leave the bus at the next stop. Let the bus leave and wait for 7 minutes. Now run, in order to get your iPhone back.

7. Throw your remote control out the window, get out of bed, get dressed, leave the apartment and run towards Ovcha Kupel. Once there, turn around and run back home. Find your remote, go to bed and watch a stupid movie.

8. Call all nine Happy restaurants in Sofia, one by one, and order a Cesar Salad from each of them. Then run to pick up your salads. If you don’t get them all within two hours, start from scratch. Do you get to eat any of those salads? No.

9. Walk up to a police station with a friend. Then tell him or her to go inside, point at you through the window and shout: “That cocaine dealer tried to kill me!” Wait 30 seconds. Then run.

10. Drink plenty of water. Throw away those Marlboros. Refrain from having Nutella sandwiches, banitsa or sex and get a lot of sleep. Sunday is just around the corner. You will win the Wizz Air Sofia Marathon.

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About the Author

Imanuel Marcus is Associate Editor of The Sofia Globe. He is German and lives in Sofia. Contact: imanuelmarcus (at) gmail.com