It has been Confirmed: Bulgaria Sends Cosmonaut to Twix

Written by on October 21, 2016 in Leisure, Serious & Undisputable - No comments

Boryana Kirova is the first Bulgarian cosmonaut to set foot on another planet. The Bulgarian Space Institute (BSI) confirmed, she will be taking part in NASA’s flight to Twix. The flight is scheduled to blast off from the intersection of Ul. Graf Ignatiev and Ul. Raykovski on March 2nd, 2024, at 13:45 hrs., right after lunch.

Twix is located in the habitable zone of the star “BS 0.69”, right in the Snickers Way, our neighbouring galaxy. During a press conference at a tobacco store in the center of Sofia, Kirova said, she could not wait to finally take off. “Stop stalking me”, she stated, “or I’ll call the police.” To the question how she wanted to spend the 125,000 years the flight will take, the cosmonaut replied, she had plenty of “Narcos” episodes to watch. “Coma mierda”, she told Foreigners & Friends. The latter seemed to be some kind of a polite greeting in Spanish, which she addressed to our reporters. Foreigners & Friends will have the quote analyzed at the Instituto Cervantes, first thing in the morning.

During the flight, a long list of scientific experiments will be conducted, with tremendous benefits, for example in the medical field. The effectiveness of Viagra in space, the effect of having banitsa with half a bottle of rakia at the speed of dark, and the growth of toe nails in weightlessness are ten of the highlights. Yes, the Viagra experiment counts for eight. Also, the advancement of space toilets is part of the programme. At this stage, cosmonauts have to use plastic bags, rubber bands and lentil soup.

By Imanuel Marcus

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