Bulgarian Ancestor: Bill Gates’ Great-Grandfather was From Sofia

Yes, this gentleman does look familiar. There is a reason: Ratko Gatesov was not only related to William Henry Gates III, known as Bill Gates, of Medina/Washington, but he was actually his great-grandfather. And he was from Sofia. This discovery hit our editorial office like a baseball bat. We were able to obtain proof.

Ratko Gatesov lived in a Lyulin apartment block, from 1766 to 1840. He owned a glazier’s workshop in the city center. Every morning, he purchased a banichka, and took the Metro to Serdica station, where he usually got a second banichka. A sales lady at Serdica still remembers Gatesov: “He never had any change. I mean, who would pay 96 stutinki with a 2-Leva-bill? Bill. Do you get it? Hahaha”.

Gatesov delivered windows to customers in the entire city. His advertising slogan: “95 windows for the price of 98”. When Sofia citizens did not fall for that one anymore, he changed it to “Windows 7 for the price of XP”, which worked quite well, until the company had to file for bankruptcy. Nobody had the faintest clue why in the hell it happened.

A former neighbour said, Ratko Gatesov tried to get a job “at some stupid call center located at the damned Business Park”, but they would not accept him. “Who could have imagined?”. Nobody. That’s a fact. The manager of the OMV gas station Gatesov visited a lot, did not like him at all: “He came here every other day and asked for tomatoes. Just to piss me off.”

The proof we obtained: For 200 Leva, a 10-year old boy at a playground in Zaimov Park sold us the Metro ticket Gatesov used, from Lyulin to the Business Park, on June 18th, 1819. He assured us that Gatesov’s finger prints were on the useless piece of paper.

When we called Bill Gates in Washington State, in order to get his comment, he said: “This is the meat department at the Marina Del Rey Safeway. You are calling outside of our business hours. Please call again, Monday through Sunday, from 9:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.. Beeeep.”

By Imanuel Marcus

Picture by freakingnews.com.

More satire news? Check out our satire news section, entitled Serious & Undisputable. Beeeep.

 

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